Robert Merry, an independent Stone Consultant and Project Manager who ran his own company for 17 years and now also runs training courses on project management, gives his personal slant on the stone industry.

The Contractor’s Right Royal Slice – (with apologies to A A Milne).

The first contractor asked the second contractor and the second contractor asked the sub contractor: “Can we fix the price and all share in a right royal slice of bread?”

The sub contractor said: “Certainly, I‘ll go and tell the estimator before he leaves the office.”

The sub contractor curtsied to the contractor and went to the office. “Right, we’re going to fix a cover price and share a right royal slice of bread.”

The estimator said sleepily: “You’d better tell the contractor that many people nowadays prefer honesty instead.”

The sub-contractor said “Fancy”and went and told the contractor. The sub-contractor curtsied to the contractor and he turned a little red. “Excuse me, Mr Contractor, for taking of the liberty, but many people nowadays prefer honesty instead”.

The second contractor said “Oh” and went and to the first contractor. “Talking of the cover pricing and the right royal slice of bread, many people nowadays prefer honesty, would you like to try some honesty instead?”

The first contractor said “Bother”. Then he sobbed “Oh deary me” and went back to bed. “Nobody” he said, “could call me a fussy man. I only want to fix the price so we can all share in a right royal slice of bread.”

The second contractor said “There, there” and went to the sub contractor. The sub contractor said “There, there” and went to the office.

The estimator said: “There, there. I didn’t really mean it, I was just worried that we might be found out and the press would get hold of the story… and we would all be on News at Ten …and our Corporate Social Responsibility would be in tatters ……and we would all be heavily fined… and the reputation of the Construction Industry would take an almighty fall in the eyes of the general public and our clients. But no worries, here’s a cover price and, yes, I have allowed for a right royal slice of bread”. (At this point somebody, somewhere, pressed ‘send’ on their Outlook by accident).

The second contractor took the cover price and the right royal slice of bread and gave it to the first contractor. The first contractor said “A cover price and a right royal slice of bread to share, eh?” and bounced out of bed.

“Nobody” he said as he slid down the banisters, “Nobody” he said, as he kissed him tenderly, “…could call me a fussy man, but I do like a cover price and a right royal slice of bread.

“And if we are found out, then it will be a bit of blow, but so weak is the industry watch dog that when we appeal the fines will be reduced by 90%, which, lets face it, is easily covered by how much we have earned to date.

“And in a few months time when all the fuss has died down and we have publicly apologised, we can just go back to where we are now”.

And so they all lived happily ever after… except the sub-contractor, who never worked for the main contractors again. And the estimator, who now works in a bakery on the south coast facing a different kind of heat in a different kind of kitchen.

And the Construction Industry? Well…

Robert Merry ran his own stone company for 17 years and is now an independent Stone Consultant and Project Manager. He also delivers training programmes on all aspects of Estimating and Project Management – details and dates on the website (address below).

Tel: 0207 502 6353 / 07771 997621