The Merry Month : Robert Merry
Surface Design report. First, a thank you to Matt and Stone Federation GB for their support and the free drinks every evening. Having that to look forward to certainly made the long day (closing at 9pm on the first two days of the three-day event) more bearable.
Thank you also to my fellow exhibitors, especially James from Lovell Stone Group and Steve from Amarestone, who both made the whole experience that much more interesting.
On the first evening, when the show opened, there was a steady trickle of potential clients past our three stands. I say stands – they were large plinths really. But no one stopped at mine. The two either side of me had samples. I had none, naturally, because I wasn’t selling stone. So, no-one wanted to feel my rocks, so to speak. Unlike James and Steve, who spent what seemed a pleasant evening talking about their stones as punters picked up and felt their wares.
When I got home I decided I would have to bring some stone to my stand the next day to attract the feelers to my table. Luckily, I had been sent three largish squares of Gris Pulpis with three different finishes – honed, polished and textured. I rescued one from under a vase of flowers, another from under a mug and the third from the side shed where it had laid for the past six months. I printed off an A4 sheet with a question on it: “Which of these textures would you recommend for a shower floor?”
It worked. As soon as they saw the stone, up went the hands. Fingers running across the surface of the tiles. Then they read the question. “Ooh this one”. Or “well I know which one I should use, but I prefer this”.
So, of course, a conversation ensued and then I got to tell them what ‘the Stone Consultants’ were doing there and how we are marvelous at this and super, smashing, great at that, which, of course, we are.
Then, on day three, with my little legs feeling like they were made of stone, the muscles having solidified after standing up for 12 hours the day before, I presented a CPD lecture on ‘Using a Stone Professional’, a theme I explored last month. It was really a tour of the current British Standards and how you should be using them in specifications and tender documents, M40 specifications and the like. Weapons useful in a building battle, for architect and stone company alike.
Except I hadn’t invited anyone and it was 11.45 in the morning when the show only opened at 11am. The CPD ‘theatre’ was up on the gallery in the corner. At the end. About as far from the main show as you could manage without physically leaving the building or falling off the gallery edge. Plus, who was I anyway? No-one showed for the first 15 minutes, so I took to standing in people’s way and asking if they fancied a few minutes of rest and listening to a lecture about stone with some nice pictures. Eventually, I persuaded a group of three architects to sit down.
Now, originally it was meant to be 45 minutes long. But I decided the evening before that I had too much material and cut it down to avoid an over-run. My expectation (fantasy) was that the vast crowd would be enthralled by the subject, my witty banter and vast knowledge. Endless questions would follow from the captivated audience.
I completed the whole thing in 23 minutes. No questions. No chat. Three others joined the architects. One was another architect who only works on hospitals and never uses stone. The others were from a stone supplier. They asked for copies of the presentation to be emailed to them as “it sounded very interesting” and they had missed the first 20 minutes.
At least no-one fell asleep, which happened at Grand Designs a few years ago on another CPD gig I would rather forget.
But, I have to say, despite the bumpy return to earth for the ego at the CPD, I thoroughly enjoyed talking to people about stone on the stand – even if they hadn’t a clue why I was talking to them. Lots of colleagues and acquaintances turned up from all corners of my checquered past and it was delightful to see them.
If you need anyone to talk about stone and British Standards for 23 minutes… or just to talk about stone in general, I’m your man.
Oh, and I have some nice pictures, too.